How do you define a “Friend”?

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6 September 2006

I posted my first story to Slashdot today, the headline: “Facebook Users Think Their Friends are Stalkers.” For both of you who don’t follow the site, Facebook unveiled a new feature which lets users quickly see the changes their friends have made to their personal profiles.

In short, Facebook has made it easier for you to see the things you could see anyway—the things that make Facebook fun. The community’s reaction? pissed off. The reason cited by most of the 428,000+ members of the “official” protest group are that it’s too stalker-esque. Funny—I thought these were your friends.

I have had some strange people befriend me on Facebook: crushes from high school who weren’t supposed to know I existed, fellow students in my program to whom I’ve never spoken, and classmates from High School whom I don’t like and are well aware of it. The latter two I rejected. They both requested again and again I rejected. I currently have in my inbox friend requests from these mass-frienders who just don’t get it.

Maybe I’m just a jerk

But I don’t think so. Here’s why: when you become my friend, you have access to my phone number, to my screen name and home address. I like this service. If one of my friends loses their cell phone but needs to call me, they can always look me up on Facebook (now if Facebook support hCard, that would be something). I don’t give this information out lightly.

Suddenly your instructor, boss, or mom has that the photo of your giant snow penis, schoolgirl outfit, and underaged drinking slapped on their home page after you befriended them without thinking. Maybe you shouldn’t have posed those photos in the first place. Or, maybe you shouldn’t have done that in the first place.

I guess Generation Y is okay with posting information on the Internet, so long as they don’t have to be reminded about it. It’s an amazing combination of technical savvy and naïveté to say the least. Do you hate Facebook’s new feature? Let me know why.

I’m not worried about it. None of my friends are stalkers. I think.

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3 Responses to “How do you define a “Friend”?”

  1. Elisabeth decided,

    I can not TELL you how much I agree- 100%. If you add any and every one as a “friend”, then yeah, I can see how you would be freaked out by the updates. But all of the info was already available, so I like having it consolidated into a feed- after all, it’s only my FRIENDS I’m checking in on, and only my FRIENDS who could potentially “stalk” me. Kudos.

  2. Andrea remarked,

    I agree totally! If you don’t want to be found, go one step further, and don’t get on Facebook in the first place. There are mass-befrienders all over Flickr too (my main social knowledge creation application of choice) and I just don’t see the point of doing that. In fact, lately I’ve been removing Flickr contacts because many people’s pictures are flat-out boring, and I’m not so vicarious that I want to see every detail of their boring lives.

    Maybe I’m just a jerk, too.

  3. Justine pointed out,

    i awnestly think a friend is someone who acctually cares bout u, and talks to u and welcomes u no madder what.. thats a friend to me. My friend (??) is sooo sweet to me, and he just might turn out to be more than just a friend.. (i hope). ttyl XOX Peace Out Beaaach lloll