The Book of Ryan

America Votes: 2005 came and went yesterday, with no one really paying attention. Living outside of the city in which I’m registered, the only way I could find out if anything was actually on the ballot was by going home and asking. Some quick highlights:

• Livonia voters decided that 95% European is not bland enough. They voted to pull their funding out of the regional bus system, which will most likely cause similar outer-ring Detroit suburbs to do the same. This of course begs the logistical question: if they can’t bus people in from low-income areas, who will they underpay to stock their superstore shelves now?
• Detroit voters proved that Texas Republicans aren’t the only ones who prefer corruption to change. They re-elected the diamond-student mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick.
• Want to lose an election? Get a presidential endorsement. Standing aside the Republican candidate yesterday, president Bush proclaimed Virginia a red state���the voters disagreed. Ironic how red remains the color of corruption ever since the fifties.
• Arnold 0/4. Don’t cry big guy, read the one that blames the voters’ ignorance as opposed to the one that blames the governator. And who said news could be biased?
• Texas residents one-upped their bid for least open-minded populace ever. Watch your step, Kabul, they’re looking at you. Luckily, there’s enough hate to go around. I hope the irony isn’t lost on anyone. And in case you were wondering, Gay Marriage was already banned in Texas, but voters wanted to maked it “more illegaler” (sic).